Stories We Tell Ourselves

Imagine a person who struggles for years to build an independent life. A partner supports him through difficult periods, including financially. She stays when his future is uncertain and helps him create a stable life.

Years later, his circumstances improve.

Then hers change.

She develops a serious lifelong illness. She can no longer work or travel as she once did. She cannot have children.

The future they once imagined together is gone.

He leaves.

There are reasons he can give. Wanting children may matter deeply. A marriage is not repayment of a debt. No one can be required to remain in a relationship forever because of what another person once did for them.

But another truth remains.

She carried him when he was the one who needed support.

Now she is the one who needs it.

We are often very good at explaining why the choice that benefits us is also the reasonable one.

Sometimes the explanation has some merit. Sometimes it is doing more work than we want to admit.

When does an explanation become an excuse?

And another question remains:

Is having the right to do something the same as treating someone fairly?