IX
Loyalty
Is Loyalty More Important Than Fairness?
There is a tradition at school.
Near the end of the year, seniors skip a day together. They call it a “ditch day.”
It’s not officially allowed.
If students are absent, it is recorded.
But there is a way around it.
Parents call the office.
They report the absence as excused.
And just like that, it disappears from the record.
Some go further.
They drive their children to the beach.
They help organize the day.
It becomes something expected.
And when enough people do it, it no longer feels like a violation.
It feels normal.
What would you do as a parent?
You could call the office.
Excuse the absence.
Make it easy.
It would take a minute.
No one would question it.
No one would be affected directly.
You could say no.
But then your child would be one of the few who doesn’t go.
Others will go.
Others will have the experience.
Others will have no record of absence.
From one perspective, refusing feels unfair.
From another, making the call feels wrong.
Both can be justified.
And that is what makes the situation difficult.
Because this is no longer just about rules.
It is about loyalty.
Loyalty to your child.
Helping them.
Supporting them.
Making sure they are not left out.
And loyalty feels immediate.
It is right in front of you.
Fairness, by comparison, feels more distant.
It applies to everyone.
It does not prioritize the person closest to you.
So when the two conflict, the pull is not equal.
Many people choose to help.
Not because they think it is right—
but because they don’t want their child to miss out.
That choice is easy to understand.
And that is the point.
These decisions are not made in isolation.
They are shaped by:
what others are doing
what feels expected
what seems normal
And most of all, by who is involved.
The moment someone close is involved, the decision feels different.
Fairness and loyalty no longer point in the same direction.
Which one do you choose?
And sometimes, something harder follows:
What do you pass on when you choose?